What Might Have Been
by Shannanigans
Summary: Just my take on Sam and Amelia's story. Will be AU by 8.02, most likely.


**Post 8.01, will be AU by 8.02, probably. A short, bittersweet story of Sam and Amelia's life together. Written while at work, so probably choppy. Reviews are welcomed, but I'm a big softie! Thanks so much for reading. ~Shannon **

What Might have Been

As Sam walked away from Amelia, his dog, and his first "real" home, he couldn't help but think about the past year. He was headed towards what he hoped and prayed was his brother, and away from something beautiful, painful and heart-wrenching; something that was over long before today.

SPN**SPN**SPN**SPN

Amelia felt somewhat sorry for the man she had just put in his place. He obviously felt horrible for hitting the dog with his car. Maybe she'd "throw him a bone" (_ugh, vet humor_) and ease his mind when he picked up his new pet.

Their first date was awkward; she could tell that Sam had been through something traumatic. By the end of the night, he'd explained that he had just lost his big brother, his hero. As she kissed his cheek by her front door, his long arms wrapped around her shoulders in a grateful hug.

That was the thing about living alone and not having friends in this town. Touch. Something so simple, yet so powerful. Sam's hug had been overwhelming yet exactly what she didn't know she needed. This time, she called him for a date.

Five months later and they were living together. Sam felt a kind of relief he had never before experienced. Home. Love… peace. The day Amelia told him she was pregnant was one of the best in his life. He was fiercely protective of her. He had to laugh, because, evidently, the dog shared his feelings. If someone got too close, he'd growl until they backed off. Every day was a new experience; the first ultrasound, the first kick, the first bout of morning sickness. Sam loved to just lie in bed and watch her belly flutter. They had created this life. This little baby girl was someone he had created with Amelia. Sam had only ever felt "wrong", that everyone he touched either had died or left. There must have been a reason and Sam firmly believed he poisoned everything he touched. This…this was different. He only felt love and happiness with Amelia and their child growing inside of her.

She'd had a craving. For some reason, Sam didn't like to leave the house during a full moon or on certain days of the month. Their run to the all-night grocery store was a quick one. Sam held the bag full of Sour Cream and Onion Ruffles and Butter Pecan ice cream. The man with the strangely dark eyes had taken them both by surprise. She didn't understand why or how he knew Sam's name, so she stood behind Sam, allowing him to protect her. The black smoke that poured from the man's mouth down into hers was a complete shock. The next thing she knew, she was being held by Sam's strong arms and he was whispering for her to stay with him, to forgive him and for her to hold on a little longer. The pain and blood flowing from beneath her skirt was unbearable. She looked into Sam's eyes and passed out.

When she woke from what felt like a long nap, the first thing she saw was Sam's tear-stained face. "Amelia, are you with me this time?" he said as he filled a cup with water. After a nod and a few sips, Sam stood to close the hospital room door.

"A…Amelia, baby, I don't know how to tell you this." More tears poured from his eyes. A flash of a memory jumped into her brain. She gasped and moved her hands to her belly – her now…flat belly. As she struggled to sit up and rip off her blood pressure cuff and IV, she began to sob. "No!... No Sam! No! She…she was here. W…where's my baby?" She knew, in her soul what his answer would be, but that didn't prevent her from grabbing at Sam's wrinkled shirt and hitting him. "Where is she?! Sam? Where…is…she?!"

"She didn't make it, Amelia. She's dead." Sam was speaking in a raspy whisper now, unable to choke out any more words.

She never asked what happened, because she didn't want to know. She knew she couldn't begin to understand that night in the parking lot. As the days flew by, she felt more and more disconnected. She was living on auto-pilot. While Sam did attempt to be there for her, he wasn't exactly "present" himself.

They hardly ever touched anymore. This time she didn't feel the absence of touch, though. She didn't want anyone to touch her, especially Sam. She couldn't really explain why, but the shame and self-hatred that poured off of Sam seemed contagious.

As the days dragged on and on, they grew further and further apart. Sam reminded her that he loved her, but guilt permeated every word. She didn't understand why he felt so guilty, but she did find herself pulling away as he slowly pushed her away.

That evening they had their first real talk in months. They both proclaimed their love and smiled sadly as they reminisced over her short pregnancy. Sam admitted that it was all his fault. She didn't agree, and told him as much, but all of the fight left her body. She knew Sam had lived a nomadic existence before her. He hinted at returning to that life. Just before bed, he kissed her deeply, professed his love and lay down beside her. Hours later when she felt him leave her side and pet the dog at her feet, she didn't stir. She simply opened her eyes and watched Sam walk away, unable to call out for him to stop. Yes, they had love, but they were absolutely, irrevocably… broken.

The next morning, after a sleepless night, Amelia grabbed Sam's pillow, inhaled deeply and cried. She cried for what had been, what might have been and what they had become. She knew she was broken, Sam too. She didn't know if they could ever fix things, but she did smile, through her tears, at what might have been.


End file.
